holidays are all the same.


This really resonates with me.

As I've noted before vis-à-vis thin privilege, it's easier in many ways to be an ally than to act as an advocate for oneself. In particular, being an ally means having the privilege of opting out, of keeping a safe distance from the subject at hand. I can't explain how deeply exhausted I feel navigating the casual misogyny of everyday life as a woman. I often feel I am navigating it alone, too, thanks to the fact that women are socialized to hate themselves and each other, to compete against one another instead of working together. Establishing a supportive community is hard fucking work, and we are generally stretched too thin as it is.

There are so many things I want to talk about, but it is all so fucking complicated when abstract theory collides with your own private life. Particularly so when your inner life is the only thing you own. For me, integral to the experience of being female is the sense that I don't have meaningful ownership of my body. I know I'm not alone in this. Our bodies are subject to the whims of others. They are legislated and appraised and used against us and used against other women and generally disconnected from our humanness. I don't feel like I live in my body, and my relationship to it could only be described as 'combative.' I don't recall every feeling any other way. Behind everything I do there is a sense of permanent displacement.

The result is that I often fall short of being an 'ideal' activist. It isn't that I'm not angry, really; it's more that I don't always have the resources to constructively use that anger, because I'm often angry about things that affect me in a deeply personal and inescapable way. They're not abstractions to me. If any woman has ever struck you as being reactionary or unreasonably defensive when discussing feminist issues, reflect on this, please. If you had no choice but to think about these things every waking moment of every day, perhaps you'd be equally defensive.


  1. Man, this really resonates with me and how I'm feeling lately.

    Obviously being angry and defensive isn't always the best way to win over the flies (or whatever) but at the same time I feel like the anger I feel when I think/talk about femenist issues* is soemthing that I *do* own. It makes me feel good to have it and use it...even if it is neither the best tool nor good for my own mental health.

    I don't know what to do with that though...where do I go from there without losing the anger because to some extent it is necessary.

    * Something I have been coming across on a near daily basis and am seriously lashing out against is the level of casualness that most people (especially men) have in regards to cat-calling/sexual harassment/street harassment.

    If one more person tells me I shouldn't let it bother me I will factually and without fail explode and cease to exist.

    Ok enough of my ramble for now. I'm going to go mull over this and try to figure out how to be angry and riled up without letting it slowly chip away at me...

    xo SarahP

  2. i love you and your rambles, SP.

    I think anger is absolutely, 100% appropriate and right. We can't all of us be poised and calm all the time, and that calmness wouldn't necessarily resonate with every person we might possibly interact with, you know?

    i think that last part is the kicker, for me. figuring out how to avoid building up such a callous to the things that make me angry that i cease getting angry and just remain numb all the time.