full of your regrets

The difficult and painful truth is that the body and the brain aren't separate. I like to pretend as though there is a divide. Things are neat, like a TV dinner. Your peas don't have to touch your mashed potatoes, ever.

I think this illusion is very comfortable for a person whose borders are daily invaded, or who has suffered an occupation of her internal landscape. If brain and body are separate, there is always something to keep safe for yourself in every interaction. Which means that in every interaction, you must believe that people are out to overwhelm and conquer you. Me. I should say me. This is my illusion.

The difficult and painful truth is that boundaries have to be established without relying on a stark, polarized interpretation of reality. Grey area is terrifying, but it is also real. It makes for hard work. Navigating it involves risk and vulnerability and, inevitably, fucking up. A willingness to be brave and whole, and to believe that there might be other brave and whole people out there, too.


  1. Great post. I often struggle with the fact that the very brain/body that gives me trouble because it's so linked, has also used those same defenses to save my life many times over. Understanding some of the physiology behind what the body is doing because of the brain (what the body is physically doing because of the brain - meaning that the brain controls the body, even and especially subconsciously) helped me make it slightly more "concrete" for me.

    Sort of like if my brain/body are doing these patterns that everyone else knows about, then it was probably doing the right and reasonable thing for itself at the time. Even if it's hard to work out now. Both on the brain and more so on the body.

    I think might have read more into what you wrote than what you wrote and projected on it? But anyway, it was a good reminder.

  2. Thank you, Jesse! I'd say you're never really in danger of reading too much into things. I always really like reading your comments and find them interesting and engaging.